The Impossible Exercise

Rationally, I know it is necessary, mentally and physically, for me to exercise. And I (rationally) know that I am setting a good example for my kids. And I even (rationally) know that my fitness level greatly benefits all my family in many, many ways: I feel better, I am nicer, I look better, I can play more/harder, I have more energy to do mom things way into the night, I am saving major bucks on therapy, for me and the kids... But, unrationally- I feel like I am drowning. Some days, ok all days, I make sure to get my workouts in. This inevitably means some stuff slides- laundry, bathrooms, vacumming... I know- you've all heard it before. Basically I am fine with that. Here is the thing I am not fine with (at the moment!) When I put in good workouts (with or without the kids), at some point in the day I want, no- NEED to take a rest. I need silence, I need not to be bothered... and this is an impossible exercise to perform in my house without the (dum dum dum...) GUILT! Sometime after lunch, inevitably- I want some down time. By then I have straightened up the house at least once, gathered and started laundry, made and served and cleaned up after 2 meals, vacummed, wiped down at least one bathroom and probably picked up some peed on pajama bottoms and stripped some beds...oh and worked out at least once (ran and PT exercises) all while carrying on a never ending conversation with my 3 year old and refereed umpteen pointless arguments amongst all 4 kids... I know- who wouldnt need a break? But when I sit down (like now) my first thought is, "awww, sweet relief- how I love to sit," which is quickly followed by, "oh, I need to eat lunch myself, I should start dinner- there is swim/baseball/scouts tonight, man- I really need to clean the other bathrooms, when is the last time I vacummed up here, if Derek were to come home right now- would he think my *job* is easy?" And on and on and on it goes... and then there is the more important stuff... the boys are playing video games/arguing- I should be down there. I should be teaching them how to handle these petty situations they get into better so that they will STOP the incessant arguing!! I need to work with C on his phonics, is J really ready for his prek next year- maybe I should make up some more homework for him, I need to get G's homework done and ready to go and M needs help with telling time... (I dont homeschool,but I do push my kids more than the schools do!) And now the real guilt, the secret no good mom would share- I DONT WANT TO! I just dont want to. I dont want to talk calmly but nicely to the little boys about sharing, waiting turns, and NOT hitting/name calling. I dont want to talk to any of them at all. I just want to sit here and stare at the wall. Why (here comes the whining I yell about so much!) caannnnttt IIIII juuuustt sittt heeeerrrreeee for 5 stinking minutes!! Why MUST I do all MY work at night after bed, why are ALL these petty little jobs mine to do, and only mine? And WHEN can I fully turn some tasks over to the kids as something for me to not ever worry about again. Clean your room- and I dont want to have to go check it! Brush your teeth- and do it well enough like you know how that I dont have to point out missed food to you! Put your dishes in the sink- and dont liet me find it on the floor or stuffed somewhere because you just didnt want to walk to the sink (but you'll walk 10ft past just to sit it on the playtable instead!!) OK, by now I am ranting. But I think you see why...So how do you do the impossible exercise? How is it you manage alone time (when not running)? Or- ahem- am I just asking too much? I feel like my "break" time is my exercise, I usually do it when the kids are otherwise taken care of (like in school) so if that is the case- do I not get "another break?" Is it so ballsy of me to ask for more? Or do I, gasp, not exercise and use my alone time to sit and rest... But- not running/lifting/etc... well- then Derek will inevitably gripe about that check I am writing for therapy!